I've been sitting by the window enjoying the whiteness of the snow in the backyard, listening to the CBC classical music radio station, having a wonderful coffee and contemplating life. Pretty good morning. Some of musings this morning ...
Happiness .... I've read various newspaper and magazine articles about this over the last few months. I've also been polling my friends as to what they think, both about their own happiness and the topic in general. The main thing I've picked up from this - people seem to have their own happiness level. No matter what circumstances are thrown at them they return to this level in short order. An unhappy person who wins a lottery may become temporarily happy, but they will return the their normal level in due course. Happy people will return to happiness even in adversity. One researcher into happiness said not a lot of study had been done on the topic because it is not taken as seriously as depression for example. I believe I am a happy person - no matter what, I resolve my situation after analysis and through my optimism, I find ways to be happy again. I've returned to my natural level of happines after my recent upset.
Lessons Learned .... At work, we do a 'lessons learned' after every project - what went well and what wasn't so good. I feel I should do this with relationships as well. After Stuart and I broke up, I decided what I had learned from him was 'get outside'. That was his answer for everything - work it all out while doing an outside activity. The weather everyday is wonderful - whether rain, dark, dreary - whatever - get out and enjoy something - a walk at the very minimum. I do this all the time now and it works for me as well. Yesterday I took my sprained ankle and attempted my first walk on the wood/ridge trail - it did me immense good. My lesson learned from J is not as apparent yet. As far as interests go - colour theory and classical music I think. But I think the real lesson here for me is more in line with emotional honesty. I really did not have those discussions with him - allowing both him and myself not to face up to certain issues and warning signs. I ignore these things at my peril. Time to change that.
Resolutions ... New Year's is coming up. I am trying to ignore the whole Christmas/New Year's season this year - I just don't feel inclined to celebrate something so commercial and forced right now. But I'd like to make a resolution. The normal health ones aren't required - I do those all the time. Apart from trying to keep off the few pounds I lost last week (so I can continue to fit into the new jeans). I'd rather resolve to pay more attention to how I am feeling and staying honest to myself. And trying to look beyond easy answers in other people and finding some deeper meaning with them. It is hard to describe what I mean here but something to do with knowing them at a deeper level. I do great with my girlfriends with this - why am I so bad in relationships? I am often less than honest in my expectations as well. I think I am afraid to seem needy - my 'independent, strong woman' routine rises. I am independent and strong but there is another side that I have difficulty letting anyone see. I sense a resolution forming!
Classical Music ... I attended a performance of 'The Messiah' last night - it was magic! I had not realized the beauty of choral music before. Just having classical music on the radio seems to relax me - this is a discovery. It is quite accessible as well - we have two great classical music stations in Toronto. For years now when reading I've chosen solence as my backdrop - I think I'll try classical music now.
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